Heaven? Or Hell?

Where is heaven?

What language do they speak?

What is the population of heaven?

Are there traffic problems?

Do people live in apartments or houses?

Socialist or Capitalist?

Are there any coal mines?

If heaven is a place where nobody works, who drives the buses, sweeps the streets, or serves you in a bar?

Can you drink drive in heaven?

Are guns allowed?

Is there war in heaven? Maybe people’s idea of heaven is waging war?

Are there any holy wars in heaven?

Can you go hunting bears in heaven?

Is there a class system in heaven?

If heaven to some people is having loads of money, who makes clothes and electrical devices for them in sweatshops in far flung places?

How many football teams are in the Premier League in heaven?

Are there flies or wasps in heaven?

Are drugs legal in heaven?

Are there any hospitals in heaven? If everybody has died and gone to heaven, then there must not be any hospitals right? What if someone’s idea of heaven is to be a doctor, they’ll be unemployed in heaven won’t they?

Are there any police stations in heaven? Or fire departments? See above.

Does it ever get cold in heaven?

Is heaven multicultural and does it embrace all faiths?

If so, who are the unlucky 40 virgins allocated to martyrs? Are they bussed in from hell?

How many hours in the day in heaven?

Are there old people in heaven?

Are there babies in heaven?

What age is the average person in heaven?

Who paints the gates of heaven every year? Are they bussed in from hell?

Are One Direction and Justin Bieber on the radio in heaven, or is it a steady diet of Sunn O))) and ISIS?

Do fashions come and go in heaven?

What does Julius Cesar think of the Apple iPod shops in heaven? Or cars?

Is there a place for Motorhead in heaven?

The queues in the supermarkets must be pretty long?

Can you change jobs or get promoted in heaven?

Are there fad diets in heaven?

Can you go on a two week holiday in heaven, and then say “Ah. This is heaven!”

If your house gets flooded in heaven, can you say “this is hell!”

Are there constant threats from Animal heaven on human heaven, where the animals want to get their own back on humans?

Are there birds in cages in heaven?

Are there zoos in heaven?


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